Hello, my dear PUCLonians, and welcome back to The Fluff! Inspired by a kind suggestion I received from our Poke of the Week master, SumtimesIFly, and by the constant growth of my grumblings about my age due to me turning 35 this year, I decided to discuss Fossil Pokémon.

I shall be magnanimous and not call you a contemporary of Aerodactyl.

It’s nice to know you still remember who buys your Berries, Whimsicott.

Introduction

Before I launch into my usual countdown, there’s an issue about Fossil Pokémon I’ve been fascinated with since I first heard about it. As you know, all Fossil Pokémon are Rock types, and it’s a rather common theory that this typing was acquired during the fossilization process, a remnant of the long time these prehistoric Pokémon spent existing as, essentially, hunks of stone.

I am a fan of this theory, and I like discussion about what types Fossil Pokémon were before being, well, Fossil Pokémon. Did Rock type always replace Normal? Can any other type be “written over”, so to speak? (This has never happened even in the meta history of Pokémon, as all new types were simply added or, in the case of Fairy, they replaced Normal type.) Were Aerodactyl and Archen pure Flying types, once upon a time? Is Genesect a technological modification of Kabutops, as another popular theory goes, meaning that Kabutops was initially a Bug/Water type?

That is a lot of questions.

Yes, sorry. I personally think the Rock type for Fossils worked, in-universe, like Fairy did out-of-universe, being added to single-type Pokémon or substituting Normal. It just makes a lot of sense to me. I guess that probably also means these Pokémon originally looked different, if the process of fossilization changed something so fundamental about them… but then again, Clefairy looks exactly the same as it ever has, so who knows. If you have a favorite fanart of what Fossil Pokémon might have looked like once upon a time, please share it with me, I’d be very curious to see it! And now I think we can move on to the main event: my Top 5 Fossil Pokémon!

Number 5: Tirtouga

Much like sushi, Gen V Pokémon design was a bit of an acquired taste for me: I now love a whole plethora of Gen V Pokémon, just as I keep adding sushi variants to my “get in my mouth” list, as Bo would say (come to mama, fatty tuna chirashi).

Does that make me salmon nigiri?

Snivy is salmon nigiri, you’re ebi tenpura uramaki. Now let the metaphor die so we can move on. As I was saying, back when my picks were slim, I looked at the available Fossils for Gen 5 and I went huh, sea turtles are neat, and I need a Water type. And thus Tirtouga, and later Carracosta, permanently joined the squad of poor creatures I dragged around Unova in my pursuit of my one true Poké crush, N, saved from my idiotic habit of forgetting to not leave him in against Grass-type moves only by his Sturdy ability.

I Surfed on his dark shell up and down the region, constantly wishing he wasn’t slow as molasses in battle, but loving his powerful attacks. His loyalty earned him a spot on this list.

Number 4: Cradily

I used to profoundly dislike Lileep and Cradily’s designs, until (many, many years in) I figured out where their actual eyes were: from that moment on, I thought they were brilliant.

What were you saying about poor Carracosta being slow?

Ha-ha. Cradily is certainly a weird-looking Pokémon, but its eyes remind me a bit of Orko from He-Man, or of the Conductor from Galaxy Express 999, thus making my inner ’80s anime-watching kid self very satisfied.

Cradily was also featured in one of my preliminary Gym teams for this Summer League, back when I didn’t know if I’d be doing Grass or Fairy: despite having the two types with the most weaknesses each, Cradily only has four weaknesses, and finding a Grass type that isn’t weak to Flying or Fire is just amazing. So kudos to Cradily for being way more interesting than you’d think, in many ways!

Number 3: Archen

Archen is, simply put, cute. It’s tiny (the smallest and lightest Fossil, for my fellow trivia lovers), it has great colors (the shiny is pretty darn amazing), and it doesn’t flap around in a depressingly difficult manner like its evolution.

Some Pokémon just weren’t meant to fly. Grace like mine doesn’t come easy, dear.

Hey, first of all, whatever Thatch and Ethan say, you are not even a Flying type, and second, have you considered that, a), Archeops was probably a dinosaur, like, five evolutionary minutes ago, and b), it is now weighed down by its newly-acquired Rock typing?

ok, I feel bad now. Sorry, Archeops!

Better. While Archen’s blocky beak was yet another Gen V acquired taste thing, I now smile every time I see one, and I will most likely try using one in my Pokémon White Nuzlocke (if I ever manage to get back to it).

Number 2: Lord Freaking Helix

Oh, Blessed Helix, forgive me for not putting Thee at the top of this list of mine. Praise be to Thee, and to Thy Holy Evolution’s Saturday Night Fever-dancing sprite from Red and Blue. Thy supreme guidance in ledge avoidance-

I swear, if you start singing the Praise The Helix hymn, I’m outta here.

Fine, fine I’ll stop. Omanyte was always my favorite Fossil from Gen I, and when the Twitch Plays Pokémon craze exploded… well, three years later, this is still part of my Facebook profile:

I want you to know, if my arms were long enough, I’d be facepalming so hard right now.

Hey, not nice! But, well, yes, I’m sure 99% of the reason Omanyte is on this list is because of TPP. So what could beat out the endless hilariousness? Well…

Number 1: Amaura and Aurorus

A freaking adorable bright blue brontosaurus covered in shiny crystals and a rainbow frill, that’s what! OK, I suppose she’s not exactly a brontosaurus, but that one was my favorite when 8-year-old me had her dinosaur phase (and back then, dinosaur classification was simpler because a), I was 8, b), we didn’t know as much about dinosaurs as we do now, and c), any dinosaur that wasn’t in The Land Before Time wasn’t worth knowing).

Can I exchange you for 8-year-old you? She sounds far more tolerable.

That’s just untrue, and boy, do I wish (Pokémon at 8? Sign me the frell up), but let’s move on. Amaura is super-duper cute, and Aurorus has a great cry, a great shiny, a great curly tail, and one of the best details in animation ever: her frill flashes in hot colors when she attacks, and goes to cold hues as she faints. Absolutely amazing. She went straight onto my team in Pokémon X and had the pleasure of being on the squad that brought down her mirror match in both occasions (against Grant’s Amaura and against Diantha’s Aurorus). Not even two quad-weaknesses can stop me from using and loving this Pokémon.

Conclusion

So, we’re finally back from our trip to the past! Did you learn anything about Fossil Pokémon today?

What are you, a museum guide?

That’d be a great job, actually. Send your brethren to colonize Nacrene City from Pinwheel Forest, please, and let me talk to our readers. Readers! What’s your favorite Fossil Pokémon? What is your opinion on the origin of their Rock typing? Have you successfully used one of them competitively? Let me know in the comments, and… I’ll see you after PUCLcon, or during that if you’re attending! Yay!

Until next time,

The Fluffiest Whimsicott