Hello, my dear PUCLonians, and welcome to a particularly colorful edition of The Fluff! Yesterday I attended the Pride parade in Milan, and I was delighted to walk among 200.000 other people who think equality is pretty swell. Inspired by that rainbow avalanche, and by the fact that I love rainbows, and so, of course, does the Alola region, from what we’ve seen of Sun and Moon… I am bringing you a terrible, no-good, absolutely dreadful (but very sparkly) rainbow-themed Pokémon Team!
Red (Scizor) @ Choice Band
EVs: 248 HP / 252 Atk / 8 SpD
– Bullet Punch
– Aerial Ace
– Superpower / Knock Off
I love Scizor, and I love him even better as a nice, green shiny, but for today his hot-rod red classic armor is just what we need! This extremely bread-and-butter Choice Band set is mostly about forming a Volt-Turn core with Jolteon, and a bit about me being unable to build a team that is even remotely capable of dealing with Mega Venusaur (hence the pitiful attempt at using Aerial Ace).
The vast superiority of Grass types shall not be hindered by such cheap tricks.
Please, Whimsicott, not even you can say Grass types are good competitively. It’s just good old Venusaur that’s a pain and a half.
Back to Scizor… Choice Band Technician Bullet Punch is of course a must, and Superpower is a nice, big, last-resort move (and more reliable Fighting coverage than Focus Miss), but perhaps not the greatest idea on a Band set. Knock Off is so good I’m slashing it in, but another Pokémon on the team has it, so take your pick.
Orange (Charizard) @ Charizardite Y
EVs: 252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
IVs: 0 Atk
– Fire Blast
– Solar Beam
– Focus Blast
Yes, Charizard’s official Pokédex color is red, too, but the Pokédex doesn’t have a category for orange, and Charizard is blatantly not red. Another straight-from-Smogon set, but hey, if it ain’t broke… SovietThatch and his shiny brother have a great time with this set, even in my wildly incapable hands, so it must be doing something good. Keep in mind that if you trust your Charizard’s eyesight, a neutral Fire Blast in the Sun is slightly more powerful than a super-effective hit from Solar Beam, so if you’re one for calcs and know you will probably miss that knock-out when it counts the most…
You’re rolling even more dice?
Hey, that’s Pokémon for you. If you know it’s your only chance at winning, you’d better take it.
Yellow (Jolteon) @ Life Orb
Ability: Volt Absorb
EVs: 252 SpA / 4 SpD / 252 Spe
IVs: 0 Atk / 30 Def
– Volt Switch
– Shadow Ball
– Hidden Power [Ice]
To Bo’s probable appreciation, this team needs some real speed, and Jolteon is our guy. The other half of our Volt-Turn core (a strategy I truly hope Yungoos’s new Ability doesn’t kill, because I love it), Jolteon can hit hard and fast and then get out of there. Or at least, Smogon says so. The individual coverage is good, and the ability to absorb Thunder waves and other Electric-type moves is very nice in a team with two members weak to them (although we also have a Ground-type for that).
Redundance everywhere, and a serious lack of coverage in other types. Yeah, this is definitely your team.
And you’re helping how, exactly?
I’m sure we’ll see that very soon.
Green (Leafeon) @ Life Orb
EVs: 252 HP / 252 Atk / 4 Spe
– Swords Dance
– Leaf Blade
– Knock Off
… What? I’m not your green Pokémon?
Well, to be fair, your Pokédex color is only vaguely accurate, and you know how much I love trying to use Leafeon in the Sun.
I refuse to dye my fluff to conform to your ideas of what a green Pokémon should look like. Even Leafeon is ony partly green!
Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite, you’re just not on this team. Leafeon is, and this time the set is ever so slightly my own. I like my Leafeon bulky, instead of fast: in the Sun, you’re still outspeeding almost everything. Out of it, you’d be getting outsped by anything with base 100 Speed even if you poured every EV into Speed. And with that insane base Defense, believe me, Leafeon will withstand some hits you’d think were absolutely unsurvivable, and then hit back really hard. With Synthesis, it has staying power, especially if you can get one off while the Sun is still out. The coverage, of course, is nonexistent, but hey, it’s in PU for a reason. Poor thing.
Blue (Nidoqueen) (F) @ Life Orb
Ability: Sheer Force
EVs: 252 HP / 252 Atk / 4 SpD
– Poison Jab
– Rock Slide
– Stealth Rock
This is where I tell Smogon to absolutely shove it, and as a result, have a fair warning: among this terrible team, this set is probably the absolute worst one and you should never use it. But we had almost no physical strength and very little bulk, so here you go: full HP physical Nidoqueen.
The mind boggles. Especially hers, as you try to have her do a billion things at once.
… I know! But look! Coverage! And Hazards! And great typing! This Nidoqueen is what this team needs. I’m using Bulldoze because with Sheer Force and Life Orb it’s better than an unboosted Earthquake. Not better than a Life Orb Earthquake, but I want my Queen to have some staying power. She’s slow, so she’ll have to take a hit or two, especially if you need her to set Rocks.
Purple (Starmie) @ Leftovers
Ability: Natural Cure
EVs: 252 HP / 4 Def / 252 SpD
IVs: 0 Atk
– Ice Beam
– Rapid Spin
(Yes, we’re skipping indigo. There’s no room for seven Pokémon on a team, and even the Pride flag skips it anyway.)
You have a Charizard on the team, so you need a Spinner. Enter Starmie, who’s also decently fast (although we’re not investing in Speed today) and can absorb status like nobody’s business. Bulky Starmie, like Bulky Leafeon, can survive some really surprising stuff, and hitting back with that powerful Scald is ever so satisfying. Ice Beam is classic coverage, and very needed even if Jolteon has HP Ice. Recover needs no explanation, except that it’s better than usual because with Starmie you might wait another turn before using it, as you’ll outspeed many attackers.
Well, not so many, with this set, but yeah, some of them.
Hey, better than nothing, right? I’m making Starmie Specially Defensive because no one else on the team is, and the two kinds of Special moves it can’t stop are caught easily enough by other team members (we have two immunities to Electric and two Pokémon who resist Grass 4x).
And with that, my rainbow team is ready! I tried it on Showdown and I actually 5-0ed a very decent team (low on the ladder, but still), so the level of suckage is probably only moderate, and you can use this team for some rainbow-themed fun sometimes. Of course, if you have suggestions on how to improve it while still keeping the color-cordination, please let me know in the comments! You could even build your own rainbow team and challenge me to a battle!
Next week, Snag will have a little surprise topic for you, so stay tuned!
Until next time,
The Fluffiest Whimsicott