TheFluff

Alola, my dear PUCLonians, and welcome to the New Year and a new issue of The Fluff! I hope your holidays were pleasant and warm. (Or just pleasant, if you’re Ten Little Men or Woody. I will not ask for the impossible.) Having had some time to mull over Sun and Moon, and their plethora of lovely detail, I decided that Snag and I should celebrate the glory that is the Rotom Pokédex.

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This cute, funny friend-

Are you freaking kidding me?

Excuse me, Whimsicott?

Rotom Dex is pure, unadultered evil.

What are you talking about? I so enjoyed hanging out with it and taking pictures, and he made me chuckle so many times! Granted, I’ve not completed the Pokédex yet, so I haven’t quite read all of the entries, but…

Do the research. Then come back to the article.

All right, of course. I’m sure…

ARGH! Oh my goodness. I… these… I think the subject of the article might need to be slightly revised. There you have them, PUCLonians… the Top 5 (Most Horrifying) Pokédex Entries in Sun and Moon!

#5: Drifloon, Pokémon Sun

This was my first favorite:

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Stories go that it grabs the hands of small children and drags them away to the afterlife. It dislikes heavy children.”

I mean, isn’t that amusing? It can’t drag away the heavy ones! That must look so funny!

TO THE AFTERLIFE. It drags them away TO THE AFTERLIFE.

… I mean, it says “stories go”? I’m not sure I want to let go of my days as a Drifloon apologist. These may still very well be just rumors. Maybe.

#4: Gengar, Pokémon Sun

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Should you feel yourself attacked by a sudden chill, it is evidence of an approaching Gengar. There is no escaping it. Give up.”

… er… is Rotom just telling ghost stories? Because that would actually explain a lot. It is a bit of a prankster, and it’s a Ghost type.

Girl, I am a Prankster. This is pure evil. Like, maybe you do have a chance to get away, but the Pokédex tells you to just give up? What is this a Ghost-type conspiracy?

You kind of have a point there. Ok, folks, PSA: if you feel a chill, RUN. And not just because of Gengar…

#3: Froslass, Pokémon Sun

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When it finds humans or Pokémon it likes, it freezes them and takes them to its chilly den, where they become decorations.”

I’m sorry, WHAT? It wants to turn us into frozen statues to make its home pretty? What… why… I mean, I could understand if it wanted to eat us? But…

Ah, the burden of looking too good! I can never let a Froslass see me! It would want me for sure! But hey, at least you should be safe.

… gee, thanks, Whimsicott.

#2: Palossand, Pokémon Moon

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Buried beneath the castle are masses of dried-up bones from those whose vitality it has drained.”

GAH! That is horrible! It’s a jolly sandcastle! Children want to play with it! I am never stepping foot on a beach again! You know what, we should get away from the Ghost-type Pokédex entries. It’s obvious they’re going to be creepy, after all. Let’s see…

#1: Every Mega Evolution Ever

I am now weirdly OK with them having put Mega Evolution in a faraway, dark corner. I mean, look at these!

Mega Kangaskhan, Pokémon Moon:

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Thanks to Mega Evolution, its child grows. But as the child is good only at fighting and nothing else, its mother feels uneasy about its future.”

Mega Gyarados, Pokémon Sun:

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Mega Evolution also affects its brain, leaving no other function except its destructive instinct to burn everything to cinders.”

Mega Aerodactyl, Pokémon Moon:

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When it Mega Evolves, it becomes more vicious than ever before. Some say that’s because its excess of power is causing it pain.”

Mega Salamence:

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Anyone standing in its path gets sliced right in two, while this Pokémon continues its flight without interruption. Mega Evolution fuels its brutality, and it may even turn on the Trainer who raised it. It’s been dubbed “the blood-soaked crescent.””

Mega Glalie:

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The excess energy from Mega Evolution spilled over from its mouth, breaking its jaw. It spews endless blizzards. It envelops prey in its mouth, freezing them instantly. But its jaw is dislocated, so it’s unable to eat them.”

Oh. My. Arceus.

I told you. Rotom is EVIL.

But… I mean, it’s just reporting stuff, right? It’s just that its the stuff OF NIGHTMARES. I mean, the first ones are kind of sad, then they get really sad, then they get terrifying, and then the last one… Let’s just say I will never, ever evolve a Snorunt. Into anything. Arceus gracious, it’s either calling pure evil to you, or inflicting it upon your poor Pokémon! What a cruel and horrible world you live in, Whimsicott!

Look, it’s probably not that bad. Sleep easy. Rotom is a lying liar who lies. I bet it’s just trying to scare stupid human children with its spooky stories.

But… the science…

No, look, nothing the Rotom Dex says is remotely true. Trust me.

How do you know? Have you personally checked each and every… hey, let me finish reading these entries!

NO! Nope, nothing left to see here. Move on.

But these are your- oh my goodness.

BONUS! Whimsicott, Pokémon Moon

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This Pokémon appears, riding upon the wind. But if the wind gusts up, it’ll blow the cotton on this Pokémon’s head clean off.”

BWAHAHAHAHA! The wind can make you bald? Oh Arceus, that’s hilarious! HAHAHA!

It’s not true! Shut up! Rotom is a filthy liar!

HAHAHA! The wind was dreadfully strong the other day, are you wearing a wig now, or something? Oh dear, I can’t stop laughing! I’m crying! HAHAHA!

You are the worst ever. After Rotom. I hate you so much.

Hahaha… My dear PUCLonians, I think we should… hehehe… end this here, before I lose the ability to sleep forever, or Whimsicott dies of embarrassment. What are your favorite Pokédex entries from Sun and Moon? Or the ones you found most disturbing? (Or, if you’re Scron, both?) Let us know in the comments, and come back next week to hear Snag’s favorite gems from Rotom! (… Gosh, I do hope it’s a liar.)

Until next time,

The Fluffiest Whimsicott